Giving yourself a massage, like throwing yourself a surprise birthday party or asking for your own hand in marriage, is a surefire disappointment. Leave kneading to the knowledgeable with today's Groupon to 8 Spa Massage. Choose between two locations: Perrin Beitel Road or Huebner Road. Then choose between two options:

• For $30, you get a 60-minute deep-tissue tui na massage (a $60 value).
For $45, you get a 90-minute deep-tissue tui na massage (a $90 value).

The dedicated massage therapists at 8 Spa Massage knead stressed sinews with traditional Chinese massage strokes and nutrient-rich organic lotions. Ease into a 60- or 90-minute session that undulates between light pressure and deep-tissue kneadings through the use of chi-gong. This ancient Chinese approach focuses on energy, helping the body heal from illness and long naps inside the washing machine. Torso tamers use acupressure points, rubbing, and muscle tapping to relax the body and assist in restoring its natural balance. The treatment's unscented organic lotion soothes the skin and senses with hypoallergenic goodness in the form of jojoba, shea butter, sesame oils, sunflower, and chamomile.