A good bartender always has advice for customers’ problems, which is why it’s best not to bartend in a particle-physics lab or prison. Hone your listening ear with today’s Groupon to ABC Bartending School, with locations in downtown Chicago, Frankfort, and Mount Prospect. Choose between the following options:

• For $65, you get a four-hour mixology course (a $150 value).
• For $195, you get 40 hours of bartending training (a $695 value).<p>

Aspiring bartenders learn the ropes of mixing, stirring, and shaking under the tutelage of ABC’s experienced instructors. During the four-hour mixology course, pupils step behind a professional-grade bar as adult beverage experts dole out advice on proper mixing techniques, basic recipes, and attracting generous tips with industrial magnets. Alternatively, 40 hours of comprehensive training schools bartenders-to-be with extensive instruction and hands-on practice in alcohol alchemy, teaching students to blend liquors and mixers into sippable sensations. Before becoming certified bartenders, protégés must master a variety of recipes that include martinis, Manhattans, and shooters, as well as cream and frozen drinks. Graduates enjoy a lifetime of free refresher courses, job-placement assistance, and access to a Cheers dimension that currently, due to spatial fluctuations, contains only Cliff Clavin.

The 40-hour courses run Monday–Friday and conform readily to students’ schedules, offering two-week sessions running mornings, afternoons, and nights in addition to accelerated one-week courses.