Good bartenders always have advice for their customers' problems, which is why it's best not to bartend in a particle-physics lab or prison. Hone your listening ear with today's Groupon to ABC Bartending School in Farmington Hills. Choose between the following options:

• For $75, you get a four-hour mixology class (a $150 value).
• For $199, you get 40 hours of training to become a certified bartender (a $399 value).

Learn how to mix, stir, and shake inside ABC's facility under the tutelage of experienced instructors in a fully operational bar setting. During the four-hour mixology course, you'll learn the basics of alcoholic alchemy, blending liquors and mixers into sippable sensations. Stationed behind the bar, fledgling barkeeps test their newfound skills and debonair charm against a series of increasingly intoxicated holographic customers. Serious bartenders-to-be can partake in 40 knowledge-soaked hours of extensive training and hands-on practice regarding all aspects of tending bar, from setup and maintenance to cutting off customers and taking the jukebox off shuffle. Speed techniques and cash handling procedures help newbies meet the demands of a fast-paced job, and profit pouring and flair training allow them to rake in tips and signal distress by blowing Morse code notes smoothly across the top of a glass bottle. The in-depth course also covers wine-distinctability, draft pouring, and keg tapping. All ABC grads enjoy resumé and interview preparation, job-placement assistance, and access to a Cheers dimension that currently, due to spatial fluctuations, contains only Cliff Clavins.

Groupon includes books and other class fees.