Without a back, you'd never know which way was forward, making dramatic exits confusing and awkward. Reward your back for not being up front with today's Groupon. For $29, new clients get an exam, consultation, X-rays, adjustment, and a 30-minute massage at Active Life Chiropractic & The Wellness Loft in Redlands, a $205 value.

At Active Life Chiropractic & The Wellness Loft, visitors receive top-notch chiropractic care that not only treats back and neck ailments, but also cultivates general health and well-being without sweeping symptoms underneath a skin carpet. By focusing on removing nervous-system interference, Doctor of Chiropractic Dale Andelkovic can address the physical, biochemical, and emotional distress that affects wellness and ails negative nancies. Trained in the treatment of pregnant mothers, babies, and children, Dr. Andelkovic also performs nervous-system and backbone maintenance on adults with deft dexterity. An initial exam and consultation (a $125 value) thoroughly analyzes each individual’s muscle mold and provides an informative health assessment and treatment plan. X-rays help uncover problematic ailments and trouble spots that can’t be seen by a naked eye, as a naked eye is too busy trying to cover its exposed iris to properly focus. Additionally, a bone-mast-straightening adjustment ensures nerves are unclogged and the body can traverse sidewalk seas unhindered (a $40 value). The 30-minute therapeutic massage capper shapes weathered muscles into a sturdy crowd-surfing hull (a $40 value).

A spine is the only thing that keeps people from being a marine cephalopod haunting the vast and frigid ocean in perpetual search of plankton. Since a brand-new exoskeleton is much too expensive, chiropractic services at Active Life Chiropractic & The Wellness Loft can provide effective body maintenance without the need to pawn off one’s collection of pet rocks or that sweat-soaked game-worn pizza box autographed by Charles Barkley.