Like a tree house, a gym never lets nonmembers inside and always deflects frogs fired from the neighborhood bully’s slingshot. Hurry up the rope ladder with today’s Groupon: for $29, you get a 30-day VIP package at Anytime Fitness (up to a $348.95 total value), valid at locations in Arvada, Broomfield, Conifer, Denver, Firestone, Fort Collins, Golden, Lafayette, Longmont, Northglenn, and Steamboat Springs. The VIP package includes the following:

• One month of gym access (a $39.99 value)
• One month of unlimited tanning at participating locations (up to a $29.99 value)
• One-hour fitness consultation with a personal trainer (a $49.99 value)
• A 24-hour key card (a $29.99 value)
• An enrollment fee (a $99.99 value)
• Access to Anytime Health (a $99 value)<p>

Anytime Fitness, as the name suggests, is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and 365 days a year with nonstop security. Novice calorie burners and ripped Michelangelo models alike can take advantage of a one-month membership, which equips bodies with enough treadmills, cycles, elliptical machines, and weights to train them to run a marathon inside of a swimming pool filled with mud. Highlight the results of fat-frying and muscle-mass-magnifying sessions with one month of unlimited tanning in high-powered beds that paint ripply physiques a brilliant shade of bronze.

Then, during a 60-minute fitness consultation with a personal trainer, Anytime’s staff of fitness gurus helps exercisers set new fitness goals, revise and personalize workout programs, and correct form during strenuous pinky exercises. Armed with this information and the trainer’s tips, gym bunnies can more effectively march, stretch, or lift their way toward their fitness goals through Anytime’s forest of equipment. Memberships also include access to Anytime Health, an online resource for fitness fanatics to plan meals, track workouts, and solicit name ideas for newly developed muscles from friends and other members of the Anytime community.