Not since Daniel Boone has it been fashionable to wear animals on the head or invoke Manifest Destiny to justify parking on your ex's front lawn. Put away the buckskin toupee with today's Groupon from Avacor. Choose between the following options:

• For $30, you get $75 worth of hair-regrowth and hair-loss-prevention products.
• For $58, you get a three-month supply of Avacor for Men (a $179.99 value).

Tax and shipping are included with this Groupon.

The experienced medical advisory board at Avacor coax strands back out to dance on scalps with an FDA-approved concoction and an experience-approved herbal remedy. The three-month supply of Avacor for Men package includes three bottles of the Avacor Physicians Formulation, which is enriched with FDA-approved minoxidil, a chemical that builds up threads into robust topiaries resembling proud lions or anemones in an Aerosmith cover band. Combined with three detoxifying shampoos and Boost! hair-thickening cream, scalps and their manes are free to make charming small talk with previously ignored breezes. Topping off the complete Avacor package, the three all-natural Nutricaps augment the haircare arsenal with a dietary supplement that employs saw palmetto and keratin to help protect follicles from the ravages of time, stress, and errant lawn mowers. With twice-daily use, results can be seen in two to four months, with optimum results typically appearing after one year of use.

Alternatively, customers can stockpile medicine cabinets with any of their choice of hair products, such as a one-month supply package of shampoo and conditioner ($14.99) or hair-styling gel ($7.99). The scalp detoxifying shampoo enriches the pate ahead of approving head-pats from royalty ($9.99), while the Boost! hair-thickening cream strengthens the threads from being chewed by the royal dog ($17.99). Or, healthify heads with the Physicians Formulation for both men ($39.99) and women ($39.99).

Avacor also stands behind their products with a satisfaction guarantee, allowing customers to plump up their coifs without risk of losing money, pride, or respect from senior financial advisers.