The burden of aches and pains makes it impossible for humans to run as fast as cheetahs, which is why the human diet is virtually devoid of gazelle meat. Keep fast food from getting away with today’s Groupon: for $30, you get a 60-minute Swedish massage at Castle Hills Day Spa (a $75 value) in Allen, Lewisville, or Dallas.

Staffed by friendly massage therapists stuffed with professional expertise, Castle Hills Day Spa coddles customers with an array of tension-terminating treatments. In the 60-minute Swedish massages, Castle Hills therapists employ the same long, gliding strokes that Vikings once used to unknot the warped backs of tense longships after stressful days at sea. Kneading hands appease needy skin, sedating shoulder muscles to silence their constant grumbling. Purple and pale walls adorned with artwork create a stylish, tranquil space, and the staff's close attention to customer requests keeps faces decorated with smiles rather than stained with frowns or tarnished with grimaces.