Because baseball games are no longer used to settle land disputes and damages from horse collisions, they’ve become the battleground for deciding which U.S. city will be the first to move to the moon. Catch a nation-changing showdown with today’s Groupon: you get a lower reserved ticket and access to a two-hour patio party that includes a buffet and drinks at a Chicago White Sox game. You’ll have your choice of seeing the White Sox play on six different dates. There is no limit on purchases, so customers may obtain multiples of today’s deal and attend each game.

Due to Groupon’s borderline creepy fondness of you, a judicial mandate requires us to sell you these tickets through whitesox.com (see below for more info on fees). Purchase a lower reserved ticket (a $35–$39 value) and two-hour patio party (a $41 value) for one person to your choice of the following Chicago White Sox games:

• $45 for a lower reserved ticket ($35) and two-hour patio party ($41) vs. Seattle Mariners on Tuesday, July 27, at 7:10 p.m. (a $76 value)
• $45 for a lower reserved ticket ($35) and two-hour patio party ($41) vs. Seattle Mariners on Wednesday, July 28, at 7:10 p.m. (a $76 value)
• $48 for a lower reserved ticket ($39) and two-hour patio party ($41) vs. Minnesota Twins on Tuesday, August 10, at 7:10 p.m. (an $80 value)
• $48 for a lower reserved ticket ($39) and two-hour patio party ($41) vs. Minnesota Twins on Wednesday, August 11, at 7:10 p.m. (an $80 value)
• $45 for a lower reserved ticket ($35) and two-hour patio party ($41) vs. Baltimore Orioles on Tuesday, August 24, at 7:10 p.m. (a $76 value)
• $45 for a lower reserved ticket ($35) and two-hour patio party ($41) vs. Baltimore Orioles on Wednesday, August 25, at 7:10 p.m. (a $76 value)

Click here to buy tickets if you are having trouble with the Buy button.

As one of the American League’s eight charter franchises, the Chicago White Sox give fans an opportunity to witness deft ball-handling skills that mesmerize attendees like a ball of yarn in the clutches of a kitten. Visitors will be able to enjoy unobstructed views from lower reserved seating and a two-hour patio party that includes a buffet and drinks. The party begins 90 minutes before game time and lasts for 30 minutes after its start, giving fans plenty of time to munch on or creepily leer at tasty grub such as barbecue ribs, fried and Cajun chicken, hot dogs, hamburgers, and salads. Drinks such as wine, Miller beers, and Pepsi beverages are also included, and fans can enjoy memorable views from the right-center-field warning track. In accordance with intergalactic baseball law, you must be at least 21 to drink, but younger fans are welcome on the patio as well.

After the patio party, swing critics may move to their lower reserved seats or peruse U.S. Cellular Field’s family-friendly confines. Boasting a speed-pitching area, a fundamentals activity deck for kids, and fireworks explosions after every Sox home run, “The Cell” provides loads of entertainment for groups and cavemen recently thawed out from excavated blocks of ice.

Additionally, fans will experience high-flying athleticism and masterful sunflower-seed spitting from manager Ozzie Guillen’s crew of base-trampling bat wielders. This year, the Pale Hose are led by first-baseman Paul Konerko, who mustered an impressive 20 home runs and 63 RBIs after 80 games, and left-handed hurler John Danks, who fanned 86 batters in his first 112.0 innings while maintaining a trim 3.29 ERA. Delight fellow fan friends or stick it to Chub fan frenemies by treating them to a Sox game experience fit for an exiled conquistador with today’s Groupon.

Note on whitesox.com fees: There is a $3.75 fee per ticket for this Groupon, which is discounted from the usual $7.25 charge.