A healthy person is clean both inside and out, unlike a soap-scrubbed book of dirty jokes or a bottle of shampoo sitting in a pig trough. Spruce up insides with today’s Groupon to Colon Rollin’. Choose between the following options:

• For $39, you get one colon hydrotherapy session (an $80 value).
• For $69, you get one colon hydrotherapy session with electro lymphatic therapy (a $155 value).<p>

Colon Rollin’s personable founder Mary E. B. Davis helps patients cleanse their inner systems with relaxing colonics and electro lymphatic therapy. During these one- to two-hour treatments, Clearwater Colon Hydrotherapy’s FDA-approved system flushes the entire length of the lower bowel with warm, comfortable water. Old, impacted waste softens and evacuates the premises, leaving the body feeling lighter and healthier than a kite made of lettuce leaves. With the second option, a noninvasive lymphatic clean-up employs a light beam generator (LBG) that sends frequencies through the body to stimulate lymph flow and restore cells’ natural polarity, both of which help build a protective barrier against disease.

Walls adorned with original artwork by Synthia Saint James welcome clients to Mary’s friendly clinic, while a heated Toto washlet in the restroom treats undercarriages to a cleansing spray while singing ’80s rock hits.