Similar to old pennies, environmental toxins are ubiquitous, harmful if swallowed, and may contain trace amounts of Abraham Lincoln. Evacuate toxins with today's Groupon: for $69, you get two 45-minute colonic hydrotherapy sessions at The Colonic Center (a $150 value). Sessions must be performed back-to-back, with the second taking place the day after the first.

The highly trained staff at The Colonic Center assists clients as they gently expel waste from the colon using modern equipment to ensure a sanitary, comfortable experience. Aiming to dislodge buildup and detoxify the digestive tract, colonic irrigation can also be used to prep patients before a colonoscopy. During the procedure, fully covered patients lie on comfortable beds and relax as a slim single-use nozzle releases a flow of temperature-controlled, purified water that irrigates the large intestine. The water-pressure level may be tweaked to patient preference. Professional therapists further ensure clients' comfort during the clean, odor-free process by leaving the room if requested or reciting Shel Silverstein poems from memory. While a prescription is required for this deal, The Colonic Center can assist locating an area physician.