Condemned to spend the afterlife rolling a boulder up a hill, the Greek king Sisyphus was also forced to endure a massage each night from Hades, the god of clammy hands. Entrust muscles to a warm-blooded mortal with today's Groupon: for $25, you get any one-hour massage at Verde Wellness & Massage (a $50 value).

Certified massage therapist Crystal Dorado relieves tense tissues, musculature, and fascia with seven massage techniques. Over the course of a 60-minute session, Dorado kneads knotty backs, shoulders, and dorsal fins with traditional sports or deep-tissue massage methods, or addresses the underlying causes of overstressed muscles with myofascial or neuromuscular therapy. Using stones heated up to 140 degrees, hot-stone therapy delivers soothing heat to weary tissues, and Swedish massage promotes circulation and the dissolution of scar tissue and aging oligarchies. Bedecked with hardwood floors, exposed brick, and restful nature prints, the Pilsen massage studio is an ideal place to enjoy trigger-point therapy, during which Dorado relieves localized stress using strategically applied pressure and a water pistol.