Like the moon, a set of perfectly white teeth is bright, alluring, and difficult to obtain without 238,857 miles of dental floss. Lasso a luminous glow with today’s Groupon for dental work from Dr. Donald J. Clausen, DDS. Choose from the following options:

• For $1,999, you get four dental veneers (a $4,380 value).
• For $2,999, you get six dental veneers (a $6,570 value).
• For $3,999 you get eight dental veneers (an $8,760 value).
  
  

Licensed prosthodontist Donald J. Clausen, DDS, boosts mouthly beauty by concealing large fillings and chipped choppers by adhering shiny new veneers to disfigured teeth. The dentist can adhere these smile-saving coverings either directly or indirectly, offering a less-invasive alternative to crowns. The direct technique, which requires only one appointment, involves creating a bond between composite resin and the tooth exterior by urging the two through an incriminating game of truth or dare.

Alternately, the indirect technique requires two appointments. During the first session, Dr. Clausen and his staff prep troublesome teeth, take impressions of mouth topography, and furnish clients with temporary tooth coverings to save face during blind dates and unexpected mug shots. Two to three weeks later, porcelain or pressed-ceramic custom veneers emanate from the dental lab, and Dr. Clausen and his staff spend a second session sending temporary covers back to their temp agency and adhering their permanent counterparts to the teeth, where they stay put until the toothpocalypse, when all chompers will sprout wings and fly, finally free from their oral prisons.