The pen is mightier than the sword, but that’s only because the pen spends three nights per week bench-pressing paper clips. Stay in tip-top, sharp-object-dodging shape with today’s Groupon to Santa Fe Family Life Center on North Santa Fe Avenue. Choose between the following options:

• For $59, you get a one-year individual fitness membership (a $420 value)
• For $75, you get a one-year individual premium membership including full access to tennis and squash courts (a $1,200 value)

Santa Fe Family Life Center helps members forge a fitter existence in a 55,000-square-foot flexplex that includes fitness and cardio equipment, a saltwater junior-size Olympic pool, and numerous sports facilities. With the one-year fitness membership, muscles can frolic on workout equipment, dart around on three maplewood basketball courts, and break nasty phonebook-shredding habits with obedience courses. Members also gain access to aerobic classes and free childcare. Bolster your body with the premium membership, which includes all the aforementioned perks as well as playtime on tennis and squash courts. After a workout, wind down in dry saunas and refuel with a sandwich in the on-site deli, furnished with 50-inch flat screens showing people eating sandwiches while sitting in saunas.