Shattering all scientific understanding, it’s been determined that the knee bone’s connected to the thigh bone, the thigh bone’s connected to the hip bone, and they’re all connected to Kevin Bacon. Keep bones straight with today’s Groupon : for $39, you get a massage and chiropractic treatment package at Flex Wellness Chiropractic & Sports Rehabilitation with locations in Nutley and South Hackensack (a $430 total value). The package includes:

• A 60-minute deep-tissue massage (a $70 value)
• A chiropractic exam and two adjustments (a $360 value)<p>

Flex Wellness’s licensed practitioners work to repair injuries, heal chronic pain, and maintain the well-being of muscles, bones, and body systems with expert chiropractic care. Like a time traveler who stops his or her past self from catching the flu, chiropractic medicine aims to prevent health problems before they begin, treating patients with an eye toward promoting long-term wellness and an overall high quality of life. During 60-minute deep-tissue massages, licensed therapists aim to alleviate muscle tightness and spasms with slow, heavy strokes and friction across the natural grain of muscle fibers. Doctors also examine spinal columns and realign vertebrae during healing adjustments that work to improve the functioning of each client’s nervous system and all the brain messages, body systems, and telepathic robot armies it controls.