Like improperly maintained landing gear, sore feet are known to break off when they make contact with the ground, sending the detached body of the apparatus skidding into a cornfield. Touch down safely with today's Groupon: for $32, you get one pair of FS700 arch supports (a $65 value) or $65 towards footwear at Foot Solutions at the Houston Rice Village location.

Foot Solutions conducts in-depth personal evaluations to help the foot-pained find the right footgear to sedate their barking dogs. Through a comprehensive evaluation that employs an advanced digital foot-mapping technique, staffers can determine the causes of pain and then use the results to soothe fidgety kickers with prefabricated FS700 arch supports. Customers can also opt to put the $65 value of their Groupon toward custom orthotic inserts (up to $289) or a pair of Finn Comfort Vaasas ($350), Chung Shis ($245), or other arch-ameliorating footwear, finally ditching the bewildered old woman with whom they'd been previously forced to live. Customers will also receive 20% off custom biomechanical arch supports if purchased on the same day as they use their Groupon, or on any day that Venus is aligned with Martin Van Buren's mutton chops.