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Take a break from your traditional daily massage with a massage style inspired by Mother Nature and baby hamster tears. For $40, you get one raindrop massage at Green Hills Healing Arts in Green Hills. Green Hill's professionally certified therapists will be your well-equipped guides through one of the most difficult-to-perform and rewarding-to-experience jungles of massage technique.

A raindrop massage, valued at $90, differs from normal massage methodology in that it's a handsless, hands-on approach. Therapeutic and aromatic essential oils are drizzled down the spine like a long-john donut in the glaze phase of its lifecycle. With each drop, a sweeping aura of relaxation builds that is capable of elevating spirits and levitating magicians' assistants. After 60 peaceful minutes, your body will be radiating a bouquet of fresh scents and emitting a wavelength of healthy-looking light only visible to blind dingoes and the opposite sex.

Proper raindrop massage technique is particularly tough to execute without the proper training, as it is designed to bring the spine back into structural and electrical alignment without resorting to jumper cables. If you're a crooked person who lives in a crooked house, you might even want to buy yourself two of today's Groupon.

Reviews

Though Green Hills Healing Arts patrons are far too relaxed to bother writing online reviews, the Better Business Bureau still gives it an A+ rating.