Without teeth, tongues would slither out of mouths and go on to lead unfulfilling lives catching raindrops and licking strangers' faces. Keep a stir-crazy taste-muscle contained in a gleaming cage with today's Groupon: for $79, you get a dental exam, consultation, x-rays, and take-home teeth-whitening kit at Gulf Coast Smiles (a $485 value) in Cape Coral.

Dr. Mauricio Martinez's modern dental office prides itself on open communication and trust between dentist and patient. Upon arrival, new patients meet with Dr. Martinez and his team to discuss previous issues and future, shimmering aspirations. Once the exam begins in earnest, the mouth will be visually inspected, with a specialist looking over the teeth and gums. A periodontal probe then ascertains the health of gums. If gum disease is found, Dr. Martinez will consult with the patient on the best course of action to take against the gingivitic foe. If the gums are healthy, a thorough mouth cleaning ensues, and a series of x-rays round out the visit, leaving no mouthstone unturned. In addition to receiving dental advice and a new-mouth taste, patients are sent home with a teeth-whitening kit—one that is designed for easy implementation.