Before the invention of scissors, hair could only be shortened via naturally occurring escalator snags and inevitable bonfire curiosity. Snip strands the newfangled way with today’s Groupon to Shear Excellence. Choose between the following options:

• For $49, you get a men’s pampering package (up to a $111 value) including:
• Deluxe haircut (a $36 value)
• 60-minute massage (up to a $75 value)<p>
• For $60, you get a men’s pampering package (a $141 value) including:
• Deluxe haircut (a $36 value)
• 90-minute massage (a $105 value)<p>

Shear Excellence’s seasoned scissor-wielders indulge the whims of Y-chromosomes with complimentary beer, luxurious lockscaping, and muscle-detangling massages lit by the flat-screen glow of ESPN. Before the hairdo reconstruction commences, grizzled guests settle in for a relaxing scalp massage that butters up strands with soothing strokes. A steam-soaked towel then cossets necks in a stress-subduing carousel of clouds shaped like Hulk Hogan, whereas snippy clippers trim cranial topiaries into stylish silhouettes. Freed from the shadows of overgrown head hedges, necks and shoulders revel in the knot-kneading expertise of their stylist before bodies follow suit with a 60- or 90-minute Swedish or deep-tissue massages.

Shear Excellence’s casual lounge area accommodates waiting guests with cushy, oversized leather armchairs and promises of beer, sports, and primal-scream practice. While clients maintain the fringe at the top of the human totem pole, their cars can fraternize in the building’s free parking garage.

Though Shear Excellence sometimes features a discounted price online, this Groupon still offers the best deal available.