Unlike an alligator smile, an alligator frown is always genuine, indicating a feeling of great remorse for having devoured so many Ho Hos. Learn to interpret a gator's expressions with today’s Groupon to Insta-Gator Ranch & Hatchery in Covington. Choose between the following options:

• For $10, you get a child tour package (a $21.87 value).
• For $13, you get an adult tour package (up to a $28.40 value).

Directed by Louisiana Wildlife and Fisheries, Insta-Gator Ranch & Hatchery promotes wildlife and wetlands conservation with educational, hands-on tours where participants get a reptile's-eye view of the gator world. During the excursions, guests gain insight into the sharp-toothed cogs of the Louisiana alligator industry while learning interesting facts about the cold-blooded creatures, such as their ability to live up to six months without a meal. Watch as a fearless tour guide avoids tail spankings in the gator pen while staring through the toothy beasts' clear third eyelids, then visit the Playing with Baby Alligators facility, where smooth-skinned humans can admire the scaly armor of their marshy companions as they swim figure-infinities in a serpentine pool. Protective snout bands limit the baby gators’ natural chattiness, but telepathic communication is permitted. After the tour, a take-home photo helps visitors remember their expedition and prove their fearlessness to future generations.

A longtime tenant of Louisiana, the alligator has elected to populate Insta-Gator Ranch with more than 2,000 of its kind. Hundreds of reptilian ancestors are preserved in wallet form and available for purchase in the gift shop.