Like glaciers and tectonic plates, teeth are slowly yet surely on the move as they attempt to turn their host’s mouth into frozen tundra and then rip it apart like a bite-size Pangaea. Defeat devious teeth with today’s Groupon: for $2,999, you get a complete Invisalign orthodontic treatment, including x-rays, from Dr. Kenn Kakosian, valid at the offices on Lexington Avenue and East 35th Street (up to a $7,999 value).

Dr. Kenn Kakosian has been helping patients sharpen their smiles for more than 20 years. Invisalign straightens crooked chompers with a combination of highly advanced, 3-D computer graphics and the spells of old-fashioned orthodontia. The process eschews cumbersome braces for clear, removable aligners that are virtually invisible to the unclothed eye. An initial 30-minute exam, including photos and impressions of your mouth terrain, paves the way for a flurry of calibrated teeth sheaths that are designed to slowly shift walnut crackers into perfect alignment. View some Invisalign FAQs here.

Mouths return every two weeks for check-ins with Dr. Kakosian. Depending on the client’s teeth, as few as 5–10 or as many as 30 separate aligners will need to be worn during a period of 9–15 months before the straightening effect finally self-actuates in a sudden burst of pink smoke and slobber. Treatment time and number of aligners vary for each customer. Aligners are only removed when eating, brushing, flossing, or modeling a finely clenched jaw.