Not only are massages useful for soothing sore muscles, they also render accidentally swallowed guava seeds inert so that the seeds won't grow in your belly garden. Today's Groupon brings peace of mind through peace of body, despite careless fruit ingestion. For $69, you get a 90-minute customized massage at Massage Envy (up to a $148 value for non-members). Purchase a location-specific Groupon for one of 22 participating Chicagoland locations.

Each location offers the regenerative properties of various varieties of massage that make a soul vessel feel springtime fresh. Of your 90-minute massage session, 10 minutes are set aside for dressing time and a consultation with your therapist to ensure your massage is customized for you.

Like a professor knowledgeable on tulip mania, alien black oil, and a myriad of seemingly esoteric subjects, Massage Envy's licensed massage therapists ably converse with the gamut of muscle ailments. They'll unravel tense coils of accumulated inner-stress through a perfectly catered treatment for individual clients' needs that may include various styles and techniques. Swedish massages offer gentle rubbing for muscular soothing and improved circulation, while deep tissue focuses specifically on untying the body's Gordian knots and releasing chronic tension. A prenatal massage is ideal for expecting mothers who could use a little relief from carrying another person inside them, and a sports massage provides tension relief and injury prevention for an athlete's body.

Massage is as necessary to a happy organ-carrier as tea is to an empty mug, and it can offer a number of healthy benefits. Reward muscles and ligaments for their 24-hour service with the sort of care and attention that quells the physical protests and picketing that would inconvenience any busy body-owner. For first-time visitors to Massage Envy, feel free to consult this site to answer any questions about the process beforehand.

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Reviews

While not all locations have reviews, Yelpers give the Massage Envy in Wheaton an average of 3.5 stars, the Wilmette location an average of four, and the Elmhurst and Streeterville locations an average of three. Nationwide, more than 26,000 Facebookers are fans.

• The massage was excellent and the therapist who did my back found all my tight spots. I had a hard time leaving, as I felt so loose and relaxed afterwards. I've only been to two other salons/spas and so far this is the best. – Nic S., Streeterville location, Yelp
• I have been a "member" of Massage Envy for 3 years. I am a huge fan of massage and have been for over 25 years. I have tried many local and "not so local" spas and massage therapists over the years. This place is great. – Anna C., Wheaton location, Yelp