Without the loosening effects of massage, shoulders would stiffen into immobility and fall victim to freeloading parrots and the burden of carrying Earth's heavyset brother, Girth. Pamper your perches with today's Groupon: for $35, you get one 60-minute deep-tissue massage at Shiatsu Renu Massage (a $74 value). This deal is valid at Shiatsu Renu Massage locations in Hurst and Frisco.

Shiatsu Renu Massage’s experienced muscle mollifiers tame tendon tension and curb chronic aches with a variety of soul- and sinew-soothing kneads. Trained therapists pinpoint corporeal pain pockets during each 60-minute deep-tissue massage, deploying a tactical array of slow, deliberate strokes that gracefully radiate their healing power through multiple layers of sore ligaments. Ideal for relieving stress and habitual stiffness, deep-tissue massage can also aid in the healing of neck and back injuries caused by everyday stressors such as crouching over computers and pushing Volkswagens up narrow staircases.