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If you're all dressed up in chainmail with no place to go, today's deal is an excuse to wear grandma's mail hood and mittens out of the house. Today's Groupon to Medieval Times gets you a sensuous four-course feast and live show, featuring horse-mounted combat, falconry, and mace-wielding professionals, for $39, a $64.75 value for adults, including tax. Call Medieval Times to schedule your outing soon, as this Groupon expires on January 31, 2010, the centennial of the Blue Knight's battle against Chaucer's time-travelling sword. An expansive stone castle bedecked in flags awaits you in Shaumburg, where you can satisfy your New Year's resolution to spend more time with the other family you've secretly been keeping in Shaumburg.

Arrive as early as 90 minutes before your show time to get the best available seats, peruse the castle halls, and take your kids to visit the medieval torture museum as a homework-completion incentive. Inside the arena, each section of seats is colored to correspond to one of King Phillipe's six knights, each of whom has his own set of skills and fan-base of fainting ladies. Cheer as the Red Knight, known for having a lion's heart and the stomach of a house cat, rides his majestic horse toward the John McEnroe of jousting, the truculent Green Knight with flowing locks of man hair dancing on the air. For two hours, you can cheer around a mouth full of potato for the jousters, swordsmen, horses, and well-trained birds of prey.

Feast on garlic bread, roasted chicken, spare ribs, and herb-basted potatoes with the traditional medieval eating utensils—your hands. Great for those who like to play with their food or haven't learned continental dining etiquette, dining with your hands strips the social artifice from food and leaves behind only the flavorful delight, if your knight wins. Enthusiastic patrons may ask to forego the bowl and slurp their tomato bisque from their cupped hands. After dinner, enjoy the castle's tempting pastry with coffee. Vegetarian meals are available upon request, if your knight wins.

Reviews

Citysearchers give Medieval Times in Shaumburg 4.5 stars and Yelpers give it 3.5 stars:

• The show is entertaining and wonderful for ALL ages. The food is great, and you will never leave there hungry, I can assure you that. – Lindsilv, Citysearch
• Everyone who works there seems to really enjoy it, and there was always a barmaid walking around if you didn't want to get up and leave the show to get an additional drink. The entertainment was riveting- you can actually see the sparks flying from the weapons! – fizzet, Citysearch
• They do a great job entertaining the crowd and just put on a great show. So Cheer Loud Go Crazy and you'll have a blast! – anna9761, Citysearch