Losing weight is a challenge almost as difficult as reading an entire dictionary or climbing a tree that’s covered in canola oil. Take an expert approach to tackling the task of slimming down with today's Groupon: for $99, you get an initial weight-loss assessment and a two-week weight-loss plan at either of Metabolic Medical Center's (a $234 value) two Columbia locations.

The Metabolic Medical Center chaperones clients along the rewarding journey toward healthier lifestyles with safe and effective weight-loss treatments. The two-week plan begins with an initial visit to the affable doctors' office, whereupon they conduct a thorough examination, making sure to inquire about patients’ family history of forgetting to eat an apple a day. Clients then undergo a body-fat analysis, a BMI test, blood work, an EKG, and additional body measurements as needed. Metabolic's doctors work with each patient to craft a customized weight-loss plan that incorporates a helpful program book, two meal-replacement supplements for each day of the two-week period, three optional vitamin B12 shots, a two-week supply of vitamins and minerals, and a briefing on the convoluted rules of flashlight tag.

A second appointment with a medical tech will take place a week after the first visit, and a third and final appointment a week after that. Three appointments ensure measured results over the duration of the two-week plan, with the analysis done during the initial doctor’s visit repeated upon final visitation for concrete evidence of weight and fat loss. Though the risks of a more svelte body include higher levels of energy, newfound confidence, and an increased chance of fitting into stranger’s carts at the supermarket, leading scientists agree that it’s totally worth it.