Though veins are vital to circulation, they were originally invented by the Roman legions, whose skirt-wearing soldiers communicated through silent varicose commands. Shed vestigial veins with today's Groupon: for $149, you get a cosmetic sclerotherapy session on a single leg at Metro Vein Clinic (a $300 value). This Groupon is valid at the Burnsville, Plymouth, and Fridley locations.

Licensed phlebologist Kamran Afzal oversees a trained staff that snoops and snuffs out rogue veins by means of either injection or laser treatment. During a 30-minute cosmetic sclerotherapy session, an ultrasound locates defective ducts and an injection (a maximum of 10cc of medicine) sends them to their doom, closing varicose veins to ease discomfort in the legs. During an EVLT treatment, a high-powered laser heats cursive veins from the inside, smoothing and shrinking them into a mild sans serif font. Both treatments eschew more invasive techniques and send patients home with no downtime. Although this deal is valid for a single session on one leg, a second Groupon may be purchased for an additional treatment on the same or one of the patient's other legs.