Studies show that your face is the part of your body least likely to wear shoes and most likely to consume Funyuns. Reward this hard-working frontispiece with today's Groupon: for $35, you get a microdermabrasion treatment (a $75 value) at Mid-City Med Aesthetics, located on West Center Road.

Effective for any skin type, the quick and non-invasive microdermabrasion treatment accelerates cellular turnover on the surface layer of the skin by exfoliating with a safe, controlled vacuum. The treatment helps clear acne scars, wrinkles, crow’s feet stuck in foreheads, and damaged skin to restore a primped and youthful visage. The certified staff of medically trained skin savants will happily explain the procedure and answer any questions. They'll prepare the pore party with a thorough washing to remove excess oil and dirt. A medical professional targets needy areas, exhuming dead skin cells and tilling the dermis for easy growth of shiny new collagen. Fortifying moisturizers and sunscreens will conclude the treatment, which leaves patients feeling softer, younger, and rife with touchable textures.

Like the receipts, crumbs, pennies, and lint that linger in the depths of your purse, deceased skin cells and dirt can clog your pores and form a dingy dead-face mask over your own beautiful mug. A microdermabrasion dumps your face purse upside down, shakes out the crumbs, and vacuums up the unpleasantness to create a supple, bright façade.