Without the loosening effects of massage, shoulders would stiffen into immobility and fall victim to freeloading parrots and the burden of carrying Earth's heavy-set brother, Girth. Pamper your perches with today's Groupon: for $35, you get a 75-minute massage and reflexology package at My Head 2 Toe in Costa Mesa (a $79 value). The package includes:

• 15-minute footbath and upper-body massage
• 25-minute foot reflexology treatment
35-minute Swedish or deep-tissue massage

My Head 2 Toe's staff of certified massage therapists unleashes a fingertip flurry of soothing strokes upon weary soul sacks during indulgent massage treatments. To launch the 75-minute trek toward relaxation, ground stompers take a 15-minute soak in warm water infused with rejuvenating sea salt and luxuriant rose petals while the pampering professional kneads out soreness, stiffness, and stress from heads, necks, shoulders, pinwheel hats, arms, and hands. Once duly bathed, hooves receive 25 minutes of reflexology therapy, during which the therapist applies pressure to specific mile markers on the foot's atlas in an attempt to usher-in holistic health benefits and a vague hunch of who the client was in a past life. For the final 35 minutes, patrons with aches lingering deep within bodily strata can opt for a deep-tissue back massage, and those with less-entrenched twinges can elect a Swedish massage to vanquish any lingering symptoms of discomfort and stress.