Statistically, home is the place you’re most likely to fall asleep under a running lawn mower or spontaneously combust while trying to slow dance with a running lawn mower. Find a safe haven with today’s Groupon: for $160, you get a two-night romantic stay package at Newport Inn and Whirlpool Suites (up to a $328 value). The package includes the following:

• Two-night stay in a luxury room for two to four people, including:
• King bed or two queen beds
• Continental breakfast<p>
• Romance and Bubbles package for the first night, which includes:
• Robotic massage chair
• Bottle of champagne
• Candle
• Bath salts and other bath accessories
• Deluxe continental breakfast<p>

Newport Inn and Whirlpool Suites stocks rooms with a host of serene amenities. Guests can whisper untold digits of pi into the memory foam of Tempur-Pedic mattresses before plunging into their own double jacuzzis, provisioned with bath salts and candles for the first night. Fluffy bathrobes warm frames during champagne toasts, and a massage chair kneads backs tense after arguments about what relaxing activity to pursue first. Well-rested guests emerge at dawn for a deluxe continental spread in a classically appointed dining room brightened by apple-red walls.

In-room coffee makers, refrigerators, and microwaves provision stomachs, and televisions tap into HBO shows and the global broadcasts of supervillains. A heated indoor pool and access to the inn’s health club keep guests energized, and seasonal shuttles ferry explorers to Newport’s nearby attractions.