Bartenders are humanity’s best hope for wiping out such modern scourges as dry whistle, pessimistic perceptions of half-empty glasses, and single vision. Save the world from the terrifying visions of sobriety with today’s Groupon: for $199, you get 40 hours of accredited bartending school at Orlando Bartending School in Altamonte Springs (up to a $595 value). Students also receive a laminated drink list and a comprehensive bartenders’ manual as a downloadable PDF.

Fully licensed by the Florida Department of Education, Orlando Bartending School instructs wannabe watering-hole workers in the thirst-slaking art of sips and swigs via its ServSafe Alcohol Program, which prepares students for the school’s online certification process. During each class on the flexible schedule, a professional gulp guru doles out hands-on guidance behind a fully functioning bar—everything is real except the simulated alcohol and the actor playing the frazzled concert promoter. The liquor lessons cover more than 100 tipsy-making tonics on a glass-by-glass basis, starting with the oft-used highball before moving on to martini glasses and finally the oft-neglected princess slipper. Students will also master other aspects of effective bartending, such as how to spin the bottle in the air before pouring and how to sift all the gold out of a bottle of Goldschläger.

In addition to teaching about the ingredients and proportions of notable potables, the Orlando Bartending School also helps out with job-placement assistance and interview coaching. Orlando Bartending School belongs to a network of 96 affiliated bartending schools, and students can always take a refresher refreshment course for no additional charge.