Unlike plants—which convert carbon dioxide into oxygen that is freely distributed to one's enemies—paintball guns convert carbon dioxide into sweet, colorful vengeance. Seek decompression with today's Groupon: for $22, you get open play admission, the Elite equipment package, and 500 paintballs (a $58 value) at Paintball Explosion in Santa's Village, open for play Saturdays and Sundays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Additional paintballs can be purchased on-site: $10 for 140, $25 for 500, $50 for 1,000, and $85 for 2,000.

The pigment professionals at Paintball Explosion welcome players to chromatic combat across eight fields, each venue providing distinct challenges and various game types. After receiving an all-day entry to the park, including unlimited air refills (an $18 value), each competitor will be equipped to reenact scenes from Dye Hard with a Tippmann 98 Platinum Series marker and protective goggles (a $15 value). Lock and load 500 paintballs (a $25 value) and march to Code Black Field, a concrete jungle of bunkers and wide spaces between cover. Deploy units to Turmoil Field, a wooded battlefront of defunct vehicles and claustrophobic buildings, or evade enemies with slides, rolls, and inscrutable hand signals in the competitive, tournament-specified Indoor Speedball Field.

Parents and friends of participants can connect to the park-wide WiFi to keep tabs on the conflict zones through a closed-circuit video feed. Meanwhile, famished footsoldiers can slake hunger at the snack bar, and an on-site bar and grill set to open in early July will further entertain fighters with plasma TVs and mozzarella sticks fired from a T-shirt cannon.