Left to its own devices, carpet hoards dirt, hair, grime, and used cars, eventually transforming into a full-fledged junkyard overrun with angry raccoons. Keep the outdoors out of the indoors with today's Groupon: for $69, you get three rooms (up to 700 total square feet) of carpet cleaning from Ron's Carpet and Air Duct Cleaning (a $147 value).

For 40 years, Ron's team of purification wizards has banished loitering ground grime and stains via professional cleaning services. A carpet connoisseur kicks off the cleaning process with a detailed inspection, then vacuums up dry soil and rascally animal crackers. After carefully moving furniture so that it can watch the floor-fur makeover from the sidelines, a staffer sprays carpet with a special cleaning compound designed to loosen soil and other fiber-entrenching morsels. Using a vortex cleaning system powerful enough to siphon cement through a crazy straw, a hot-water extraction treatment sanitizes and deodorizes each foot-petting strand. The process is capped off with deft carpet raking, setting fibers in a single direction and guaranteeing a shorter drying time than that of the average Muppet.