Dirty clothes are traditionally worn only by grungy rock stars, mystical imaginary vagabonds, and royals pretending to be "regular people" for the purpose of understanding life outside castle walls. If you don't fit into one of these categories, pick up today's Groupon: for $9, you get $20 worth of dry cleaning at any of five Rose Cleaners locations in the San Antonio area. Barbecue-stain season is in full swing, so grab up to three Groupons to properly prepare.

When the real world forces you to buy grown-up clothes and sequined costumes, nobody tells you how difficult professional clothes are to get clean. An expert dry cleaning protects your investment from shirt-shrinking driers and keeps colors from bleeding dramatically into the wash basin. Gather your clothes to drop off at Rose Cleaners, where a friendly staff of starchy sorcerers casts their stain-removing spells on soiled garments. Enchant a pair of pants with a fresh, lingering scent ($5.49+), or leave a skirt in skilled hands to renew its flowing form ($6.59+). Gentlemen can submit their blazer or sport coat for a cleaning session ($6.99+), and ladies keep their best dresses ($10.99+) and blouses ($5.99+) from stretching out or getting raggedy.

Before dry cleaning, clothing was washed by dressing up a phalanx of backyard laundry scarecrows just before thunderstorms. Pick up today’s Groupon to do away with sopping strawmen and clean your clothes the new-fashioned way—with science.