In much of the world, soccer is known as "football" and the American president is referred to as "The Ameriking." Embrace cultural differences without using your hands with today's Groupon: for $30, you get $60 worth of soccer play at Salmon Creek Indoor Sports Arena in Vancouver, Washington. This Groupon is good toward any services offered besides products and pro-shop gear and can be used over multiple visits.

An almost-40,000-square-foot indoor soccer complex, Salmon Creek Indoor Sports Arena facilitates heel-based competition with its year-round lineup of soccer leagues, skill-development programs, and open-field pickup games for all ages. Part-time Pelés can sign up for a yearly membership ($15) and receive an ID card with their picture on it that allows them to register for activities and prevents retired World Cup mascots from stealing their identity. Individuals can mix it up with different teams randomly assembled by arena staff during the weekly open-play sessions for coed adults ($5), youths ($5), and women ($8). Previously assembled supergroups can register for league play and test their skills against local teams made up of the nonsinging members of the Osmond family.

The Lil' Kickers program offers classes for children ages 18 months to 14 years that redirect bipedal aggression from siblings' shins to soccer balls with supportive instruction and team-oriented learning ($14 per drop-in). Skills taught range from basic motor skills and fitness to advanced ball-handling skills and productive activities for idle hands during matches.