Before the advent of segways, the fun of gyroscopic locomotion was reserved for ambulant androids, lunar landing modules, and off-duty Robocops. Cruise smoothly atop two wheels with today's Groupon: for $35, you get one 90-minute tour (a $60 value) from Segway of Cincinnati.

Segway of Cincinnati shepherds Cincinnati tour-takers through scenic locales with the aid of its bi-wheeled beasts. Climb aboard one of the company’s two-wheeled people porters for a 90-minute guided glide around Downtown, the Riverfront, or Eden Park, a historical swath of greenery dotted with distinctive structures and picturesque squirrels. As eyes absorb the natural and man-made beauty around them, a tour guide pumps knowledge into the ears, where it’s transported to the brain and turned into power.

Tours must contain a minimum of two people or inconspicuously dressed automatons and are available seven of the eight days each week, from dawn until dusk, as the segways turn feral after dark. Before you embark, each tour includes a 15- to 20-minute training session led by a segway-savvy instructor who can help maximize participants’ comfort and safety and even teach them to do a “wheelie,” which is segway slang for keeping both wheels on the ground at all times. Helmets are provided with today's deal.

Riders with today's Groupon must be 18 years old, or 16 with an attending parent or guardian, and weigh between 100–260 pounds.