Segways satisfy the basic human desire to become cyborgs, replacing legs with mechanically balanced wheels and emotions with a servo-guided lust for low-speed chases. Replace vestigial parts with today's Groupon: for $32, you get a two-hour segway tour from Segway of Santa Barbara (a $65 value).

The knowledgeable guides at Segway of Santa Barbara whisk eager sightseers along The Butterfly Beach Segway Tour of Santa Barbara, pointing out oddities and attractions along the way. The tour commences with a 20-minute training session, as trained segway wranglers demonstrate the art of two-wheeled transportation. Once the party grasps the basics, the expedition embarks on a journey along California's coastal sights. The tour winds past attractions, including the Four Seasons Biltmore's Spanish Colonial embellishments, East Beach's volleyball courts, and the Santa Barbara Zoo's Pegasus habitat. Stearns Wharf, one of Santa Barbara's most visited attractions, tempts excursionists toward its boardwalk, crammed with shops, restaurants, and more. Proving that cameras do more than document awkward family gatherings and ghost orbs, Butterfly Beach serves as a favorite spot for photogenic celebrities.

With an extensive understanding of Santa Barbara's sites, Segway of Santa Barbara's guides educate travelers, locals, and eavesdropping stop signs. Amusing anecdotes and tall tales fuel the two-hour tour, drawing focus to the splendor of the American Riviera and supplying talkers with ammo for future conversation barrages.