Less prone to explosions, bird collisions, and painful butt-burns, the Segway has edged out the jetpack as the official ride of the 23rd century. Today's Groupon gives you the chance to practice on these leisurely chariots of fire, lest the future overtake you at 12.5 miles per hour: for $40, you get an approximately 135-minute Segway tour of Veterans Park (an $84.67 value, including tax) from Segway of Wisconsin. This deal is valid for any day except Saturday.

Segway of Wisconsin's guided tour begins with a 30-minute safety briefing on Discovery World's paved patio, giving you a chance to get acquainted with the Segway i2. Don't worry about getting the hang of your Seg-legs: each Segway is equipped with high-speed microprocessors, solid-state gyroscopes, and powerful electric motors that keep you balanced. After breaking the ice with the ground glider, Seg-tourists will effortlessly skim down an approximately five-mile stretch of traffic-free road for 105 minutes to explore the historic Veterans Park. A guide will lead the Segway army along the lakefront past the Milwaukee Art Museum, over the Brady Street Bridge, and along the downtown area, pointing out landmarks and birthmarks on strangers. At some point during the tour, the triviality of walking might overwhelm you like the first time you saw Herbie Hancock melt his audience with a sultry keytar solo, and if you realize that the life of a Segonaut is calling, Segway of Wisconsin offers sales and services of the future's feet.

A tour with Segway of Wisconsin is an exciting way to learn obscure facts about the city while experiencing Segway-induced bliss. Check the upcoming schedule and call ahead to reserve your tour.

For safety reasons, the rider must be at least 18 years old (or 16 years old with an attending parent or guardian).