The burden of aches and pains makes it impossible for humans to run as fast as cheetahs, which is why the human diet is virtually devoid of gazelle meat. Keep fast food from getting away with today’s Groupon to Sunflower Spa in Longmont. Choose between the following options:

• For $59, you get a 50-minute hydradermabrasion treatment (a $185 value).
• For $55, you get an 80-minute Thai yoga massage (a $115 value).

Sunflower Spa’s fully licensed aestheticians and therapists couple their years of experience with an array of rejuvenating treatments to revitalize and beautify clients in a relaxing, inviting environment. The noninvasive hydradermabrasion treatment utilizes a process of cleansing, exfoliation, extraction, and antioxidant protection to clear congested pores, fix fine lines, and resurface the skin to slick primordial proportions. The laser-free treatment lasts 50 minutes and can leave skin feeling fresher and looking younger, restoring your natural glow to a high-pitched frequency only dogs can hear.

Those opting for a Thai yoga massage can expect a revitalizing 80-minute treatment that combines yoga stretches with lotionless massage to reunite body with its long-lost bliss brethren. Sit back and relax in loose, comfortable clothing as the trained muscle-molder employs pinpointed acupressure techniques and rejuvenating massage strokes to loosen stiff joints and stretch muscles, casting out soreness and restoring the body’s range of motion.