In the time of cavemen, dark, stained teeth actually commanded respect, as they signaled that their owner possessed both mad hunting skills and an in-cave espresso machine. Up your smile status new-millennium style with today's Groupon: for $119, you get one Zoom! teeth-whitening treatment at Teeth Tamers Dental Care in Forest Hills (a $600 value). Today's deal is only valid for appointments with Dr. Oleg Vinson.

At Teeth Tamers Dental Care, Dr. Oleg Vinson brightens comestible crunchers and eliminates discoloration with 60-minute Zoom! teeth-whitening treatments. A skilled technician applies a hydrogen-peroxide-based gel onto lackluster ivories before illuminating mouths with an ultraviolet light. Over the course of an hour, the heated gel gently breaks up intrinsic stains caused by habits such as smoking cigarettes or grazing on a neighbor's blackberry bush. To stave off boredom, clients are encouraged to pass the time by listening to music, gazing at the skyline, or creating life-size magic-eye collages from the pages of in-office magazines. Following the procedure, patients can expect to see gum dwellers visibly lightened by 6–10 shades.