Though best known for expanding the limits of human thought, the great philosophers were also ardent proponents of skin treatments—rarely furrowing their brows without first applying a de-furrowing cucumber mask. Wipe out your own philosophical furrows with today's Groupon to The Path to Wellness, located at the Shadow Mountain Shopping Center. Choose from the following options:

• For $120, you get a Paradise package consisting of an essential-oil wrap, aromatherapy massage, and a facial (a $250 value).
• For $57, you get a 50-minute full-body massage and express facial (a $115 value).
• For $37, you get a 50-minute full-body massage (a $75 value).

After foraging through forests of corporeal ailments and ill-advised tiger retreats, discover The Path to Wellness, a resort-like spa and health center aimed at whole-body rejuvenation. Skilled massage therapists employ ancient hand-arts to coax a comfier human out of a craggy muscle-knotted shell during the full-body massage, available in its signature massage style, a lymphatic detoxifying process, or a pregnancy-specific technique geared toward expectant mothers and misinformed fathers.

Combine this thorough mollycoddling with a 25-minute express spa facial in the second deal option, a swift but thorough exfoliating treatment that leaves face-flesh as youthful and smooth as a toddler covered in pudding (a $35 value). Finally, the Paradise package takes a zero-tolerance approach to bodily complaints, expelling gadabout impurities with an essential-oil body wrap before moving to an aromatherapy massage, complemented by a hot-rock and hot-oil treatment, and finishing with the flourish of a full-facial treatment.