The human body, unlike raisins, white wine, and the wit of Oscar Wilde, isn't meant to be dry. Take a dip with today's Groupon: for $12, you get two unlimited individual river-tubing rides from The Smokey Mountain River Romp in Sevierville. Kids aged 2–4 may tube free of charge; however, they must ride in the same tube as an adult.

The Smokey Mountain River Romp's safety-trained staff ships visitors on a day of unlimited floats along the Little Pigeon River's rocky banks. For approximately two hours, floaters will lazily drift downstream through 2.5 scenic watery miles, taking in awe-inspiring views of the Smoky Mountains, the lush greenery lining the river banks, and hitchhiking black bears. As participants meander down the waterway, Coast Guard–approved life vests and optional floating coolers ($10 additional fee, holds up to 18 cans) buoy them and their refreshments atop the river's surface.

Upon arrival at the River Romp's destination, a staff member is summoned to transport tubers back to the River Romp's grounds, where they can embark on another trip to hear the riveting conclusion of the babbling brook's memoirs. Upon returning from carefree coasting, patrons can attempt to lure fish onto lines or refuel with a picnic.