Like a potato, if the human body is not properly mashed and moisturized, it will never be used for anything more than a science- project battery. Make sure your body is properly fluffed and buttered with today's Groupon: for $25, you get a 50-minute massage and 20% off membership at Toccare Massage Clinic (up to a $69.99 value). This Groupon is open to new customers and members that normally pay $34.99 for massages, as well as non-members that have been treated by the licensed professionals at Toccare before (normally $69.99 per massage).

Toccare Massage is a membership-based massage clinic that offers a variety of massage services in a relaxing setting dappled in neutral hues and elegant furnishings. Tucked into a private treatment room, await your choice of more than a dozen massage styles (excluding the hot stone, Chinese cupping, and raindrop styles). Try a Swedish massage designed to soothe sore muscles, relieve tension, and improve circulation, whereas a sports massage can treat muscles exhausted from whale wrestling, improving both range of motion and flexibility. Lymphatic drainage is designed to drain toxins from the body's lymph system, and cranial-sacral massage targets headaches, nerve pain, sinus problems, and more. If your body likes what it feels at Toccare, use your Groupon to get 20% off a massage membership. Toccare members pay a flat monthly, annual, or biannual fee for cheaper massages and quick bookings.