While a horse's teeth tell a trained eye everything about the animal, a human's teeth refuse to tell dentists anything without a lawyer present. Get to the root of the matter with today's Groupon to Total Dental Care of Middle Island. Choose between two options:

• For $49, you get a two-year individual dental plan (up to a $360 value).
• For $195, you get a two-year family dental plan for up to five family members (up to an $810 value).

Total Dental Care of Middle Island renovates and maintains ramshackle smiles with a full spectrum of oral services performed by a team of friendly dentists and hygienists. Family dental plans impart a party of five with two cleanings, two x-rays, and two exams per person per year, and individual plans treat a single recipient to an identical bevvy of benefits. Preventative care appointments lavish 45 minutes of oral attention with a thorough hygiene evaluation and tips on how to whiten teeth without tricking local children into doing it for you. Dentists also purge plaque and tartar palisades before buffing choppers to a clean, glistening sheen. Comestible ports receive further analysis under the all-seeing gaze of digital x-ray machines, which operate using 80% less radiation than traditional devices.

Weekend and evening hours help fit appointments in busy schedules, and 24-hour emergency services tend to unforeseen tooth tribulations. Plan members can receive up to 60% off surgical and cosmetic procedures to help repair intense cavities or to tattoo molars with their favorite Bob Dylan lyrics.

Though Total Dental Care of Middle Island sometimes features a discounted price online, this Groupon still offers the best deal available.