Though secret societies have terrific members-only benefits, their gorilla-centric initiation rites are often illegal. Make a solemn fitness vow that's legal with today's Groupon: for $30, you get a two-month individual membership, which includes access to all fitness classes, to Wildwood Athletic Club (a $150 value).

Wildwood Athletic Club's workoutorium offers a premium fitness experience, overseen by a professional staff with a Spandex'd passion for wellness. With a two-month membership ($75 per month), clients will enjoy unlimited access to the more than 80 group exercise classes held weekly, including yoga, Pilates, spinning, and the dolphin-shaming aqua-robics. Check the class schedule for times and dates on available synchronized sweat sessions. In addition to hosting a tundra of treadmills and a desert oasis of dumbbells, Wildwood Athletic Club also fosters social interaction among its members, with a calendar of events sprinkled with wine tastings, dance parties, and pet-friendly get-togethers.

If you look forward to going to the gym instead of dreading it, you'll be more apt to stay on track with your fitness routine. That's why the friendly staff at Wildwood Athletic Club designed its hall of fitness to make you feel welcome and comfortable. When you hand them a sopping, stinky towel, they'll say "thanks" and nail it up on their trophy wall, and when you emerge from the sauna, you'll be swarmed by a hired staff of children screaming for autographs.